Sesshoumaru’s Guide to a Beautiful New You

By: Kaitlin61488 a.k.a Kaitlin Reese

"Hello and welcome to my show." Sesshoumaru said in a weird voice that resembled the voice of Christopher Lowell. He sat with his legs crossed like a girl. He was wearing a leopard print low v-neck feathery top. Around his neck was a black boa (no not the snake boa).

He stood up and walked across the pretty pink set. "Now as most of you all now this is Sesshoumarou’s Guide to a Beautiful New You. The show where we show you the latest fashion tips and transform ordinary people in to gorgeous gods! Now please give a hand to our first guest, my little brother, Inuyasha! C’mon out Inuyasha!"

He walked on set from backstage with a smug look on his face. "Why the heck did I agree to this?!" he thought. His brother came and greeted him in an unusual way: a gentle hug and a kiss on each cheek. Once the shock wore off he wiped his cheeks and simply said "Keh…"

"Now can anyone tell me what is wrong with this attire?"

"What?! There’s nothing wrong with my clothes!" The audience whispered amongst themselves but still came up with no answer.

"Little Bro, this outfit is too baggy for your body type. Clara! Clara!" A woman with short brown hair wearing a kimono like dress came out from backstage. Sesshoumaru began to whisper in her ear, "Take him back to my personal wardrobe and get him that cute Elton-John-concert top and those hot boy-band pants. Now chop! Chop!" She drug Inuyasha backstage and Sesshoumaru moved on.

"Up next we have this weeks street pic, where we find someone off the street in need of desperate need of fashion help." Behind him on the screen appeared the picture of Kagome. She was wearing her normal uniform and was smiling cheerfully. "As we speak this young lady is getting a complete make-over. Now I don’t want to be the bringer of bad memories, but anyone remember that show Sailor Moon?" Immediately panic broke lose. People pushed and shoved one another. Some tried to escape through the door, but not all could fit at once.

"Please, please calm down!" they did as they were told and returned to their seats. "Direct your attention to the screen." Appearing next to Kagome’s picture was the photo of Sailor Mars. The resemblance was uncanny: the face, the hair, the uniforms, all identical.

"As you can see Kagome desperately needed a make-over and now I’d like to introduce you to the new Kagome!"

She walked out trying her best to look like a professional model. On her feet were punk boots and she had on fishnet hose. Her green skirt was replaced by a plaid catholic school one and she was adorned with gothic jewelry. Heavy eyeliner was outlining her eyes and red lipstick stood out brightly from the darker colors.

"Kagome you look absolutely fantastic!"

"Thanks so much Sesshoumaru! If it wasn’t for you I’d still be looking like another useless character from another gay anime. Now I must be leaving or else I’ll be late to the Britney concert." She then skipped out the door.

"Now let’s welcome back Inuyasha!"

"I’m not coming out!" Sesshoumaru sighed as he rolled his eyes.

"Hey who called the super models?! This isn't a fashion shoot!!!" Inuyasha darted out and started to scan the area for the super models. Miroku suddenly appeared and helped in his search for these imaginary women.

Disappointed that there wasn’t a super model Miroku sat down next to an elderly woman and sighed. He looked at her and mumbled to himself "Why the heck not?" and popped the question. "Will you bear my child?"

"Why I never!" she swung her purse around whacking Miroku in the head along with some other bum, giving him a concussion.

Inuyasha was in stitches. "Hahahahaha! Wow you sure have a way with the ladies!"

"I sure do pinky!" he suddenly remembered what he was wearing: a tight pink muscle tee and even tighter leather pants. He began to run towards the exit, but Sesshoumaru saw this and caught him by his long hair causing him to fall flat on the floor. He helped him to his feet and spun him around.

"Don’t be ashamed of that wonderful butt little bro!" Some of the older members of the audience were appalled, but the younger teenage girls were rather pleased giggling and whispering among one another, and the gay guys in the back, well you don’t really want to know what they were doing. Inuyasha left the set yelling profanities and knocking over any camera men that dare got in his way.

"Wasn’t that pleasant, anyways now it’s time for a fashion story with my guest Shippou. C’mon out Shippou!" Shippou strolled in. He was wearing baggy Fubu jeans, a spiked dog collar, a bandana around his head, and a diamond medallion with bearing the letters FOXE.

"Yo Fluffy, ma brotha from anotha motha." Shippou walked over to Sesshoumaru and tried to do some sort of gangster welcome handshake, but quit when Sesshoumaru couldn’t do the right movements.

"Please have a seat," he motioned towards the couch. Shippou crawled from the pink floor to the pinker couch. Sesshoumaru took a seat next to him.

"Tell me what made you go from cute to brute."

"Da ladies man. Before I was all adorable, like a doll. I mean I was twenty-five and I'd never had a girlfriend."

"I see."

"But den I was watchin’ MTV and ma boy Nelly came on da screen with his video "Hot in Here" and I saw all those all ova him!!!"

"Tell me how do you enjoy your ghetto fabulous lifestyle?"

"It’s been great eva since I started freestylin’ I been rich, and since I changed ma look dem chicks are all ova me man."

"You have been a true inspiration, anything you would like to add before we move on?"

"Yeah, ma new album "It’s a Dawg’s Life" comes to stores Wednesday. So buy it yo!"

"Now its mail time were viewers at home send in beauty tips, comments, and questions. Today’s e-mail comes from Jaken4U69@hotmail.com.

Dear Sesshoumaru,

I am horribly disfigured. I have tried every cosmetic in history, but none works. My online lovers demand my photo, but I can’t show them this ugly mug! Could you recommend a good plastic surgeon?

Desperately,

Jaken4U69@hotmail.com

Well Jaken4U69, I would recommend Dr Pepper. He has a great history of satisfied celebrity customers, why in fact he’s doing my face lift next week. Good luck!"

"To end today’s show we will take a few questions from the audience. Ah yes you wolf boy in the back!"

Kouga stood up. He was very shaky. "Uh yea um how can I make my ahem manhood more obvious?"

"Very good question!" Sesshoumaru reached down his pants and pulled out a rolled up tube sock and tossed it to Kouga. "Catch!"

Once in his hands Kouga stuffed it down his pants and looked at himself. "Wow thanks now Kagome can’t resist me!"

With super hearing this comment caught his ears. He ran out with make-up he applied himself all over his face. "No way! I’m a million times sexier than you! Kagome’s mine!"

"Nuh-huh!"

"Fine we’ll race! First one to the Britney concert gets into Kagome’s pants! Go!" and they were out the door.

Sesshoumaru looked around.

"Hey!"

"Huh?!" behind stood Shippou with Rin holding his hand. She wore a cute little sun dress.

"Me and ma lady are gonna go to the park and play in the sand." He winked.

Rin giggled innocently. "Oh Shippou you're sooo funny!" They left. Miroku was making-out with the old chick from eariler. They were under the close and jelous watch of Sango who sat further up in the audiance.

"I haven’t felt this way in 45 years! Oh Miroku!"

"Well since all most is gone from that Sailor Moon thing I guess this is the end. Till next time folks, I’m Sesshoumaru, GOOD NIGHT!"